If I truly wanted to sum up the new book on the filthier bits of the Bible by Luke T. Harrington, all I would truly need to say to engender its essence is:
“I counted 16 footnotes within the whole book that simply said, ‘heh.’ Usually in reference to a dick joke.”
However, considering I am too egotistical to leave it simply at that, I will carry on. Words are precious and like all other precious commodities, they must be consumed in large quantities. So here are all the words, cheapened for your pleasure.
From here on out, this will be a largely informal review of the book, because I actually know Luke. I have bowled with him and his wife, shared cheap fast food tacos and played Wii with him and his daughters, and he even came to my wedding! Yet I have cursed his name since he left me in Tulsa, Oklahoma all by myself. However, my most cherished memory with Luke actually has substantial ties to his book, Murder-Bears, Moonshine, and Mayhem: Strange Stories from the Bible to Leave You Amused, Bemused, and (Hopefully) Informed. (Notice his strong stance on the Oxford comma here? Yeah. I’m pretty sure he is anti-Oxford comma, but gave in due to the need for people to buy his book.)
Anyways, Luke and I are part of a Facebook group for people who financially support and/or write for the website, Christ & Pop Culture, and one of the posts in the group was deleted in its earliest days. Why was it deleted you ask? Because Luke and I started making all kinds of raunchy dick jokes back and forth and people, I guess, were upset and told “the man.” We received a wagging finger in response to our activities. However, I like to believe that this was when our friendship began. And that this book’s formation began at that very point. Don’t let anyone, including Luke, tell you any different.
Luke’s book, Murder-Bears, Moonshine, and Mayhem, is, simply put, hilarious. Every little bit of his humor that actually works is displayed here. I think the real accolades should go to Beth Adams of HarperCollins Christian Publishing for finding the humorous treasures within, what I assume, was a lot of humor excrement. Not to be confused with excrement humor which does have a pride of place in the earlier part of the book. I know, I know, you all are probably thinking I am being mean to Luke by saying some of his humor is not good. However, if you asked him yourself, he would more than likely tell you the same. I’m just sticking to the facts, people.
Perhaps what is most surprising about the book is how much I actually learned about stories in the Bible that I already knew pretty well myself. If the book shows the reader anything, it is that humor involving dicks, strip teases, shit, sex, talking animals, and bears that maul people to death really has a way of getting at the true essence of what the Christian scriptures have to offer humanity. This book made the Bible much more confounding and fascinating to me than the year and a half of online seminary I took a few years back. (In case you were wondering, I quit seminary because I’d heard reports that many seminary students lose their faith during their education and I didn’t want that to happen because I had too many great privileges as a Christian in America.)
One of the many ways that I knew Luke really worked hard on the book is how the remainder of the footnotes that were not “heh.” often had names with initials and very important sounding last names following them. The supposed works they wrote also sounded legitimate and made me feel really good about myself for reading something by someone who seemed to know what he was talking about. When Luke’s humor and seeming intelligence combined in full force within each chapter, I sincerely laughed at how smart I felt. And perhaps I even intellectually understood how the laughter made me feel. Good. It made me feel good. Like, so good.
*South Park Al Gore impersonation voice* Okay, now I’m being super serial here, guys:
Part of the entertainment value of the Bible is just how the culture of its writers is so other and different from our own. When they spoke of people taking a shit or “taking the shit” out of something or somebody, the distance between what they meant then as opposed to what euphemisms and slang we have now often reaches the height of absurdity. These absurdities allow atheists to pick low-hanging fruit as a means of “proving” thousands of years of religious tradition are wrong. Luke, however, dispels that mindset and leans into the absurdity of the written text that remains at the center of Christian faith. It’s not something to be avoided, but to be investigated for what it might mean.
Sometimes it just takes jokes about poop and genitalia to translate meaning from Biblical times to our über-mature American culture and society. My parents instilled in me a faith that is flexible enough to meet sincere and less-than-sincere arguments against Christianity by exploring the various aspects of the problematic text or passage and not just letting the seeming surface disparities simply be the content of an argument. Luke, by writing Murder-Bears, Moonshine, and Mayhem, has given me (and anyone else who purchases and reads his book) a new lens through which to interpret this sacred text. And if that means we look at the Bible through dick jokes, then so be it. God certainly won’t be offended. He created dicks after all. (“Dicks” meaning penises here, not “dicks” as in “assholes.” God rants about assholes a lot in the Bible, but strangely enough makes them leaders and calls them “men after His own heart.”)
Luke’s book may be the actual thing our Western Christianity needed all of these years and all of those pages of dry, academic works on the Bible. We needed to appreciate the humanity of the text in all of its forms. We also needed to be confronted with the evil that humanity does in the world and how that evil transcends time and culture. It’s not hard to tie the rape and incest of Biblical times to the #MeToo era. And the kingdom and rule of Nebuchadnezzar with, I don’t know, I think you can conjure an image of who I’m thinking of with your own head.2
Murder-Bears, Moonshine, and Mayhem, I can honestly say, is the most laugh-out-loud exploration of the Bible I have ever read. And I am being completely honest, not just being kind to a friend. Luke has uncovered so much texture within the Biblical content with his incisive humor and wit while being true to the faith that he and I both affirm. He is essentially making the Bible great again. Throw away those John McArthur tomes and reach for Murder-Bears, Moonshine, and Mayhem the next time you need resources for your Sunday sermon. Depending on the story you use, it is sure to get a rise3 out of some of your congregation.
In conclusion, buy Luke T. Harrington’s novel, Ophelia, Alive and read it instead. Why would Luke care? He just wants your money. And I want you to see the acknowledgements at the end of the novel where he named me as his biggest fan. (What he doesn’t know is that I just want to ride his coattails.) Plus, it has ghosts in it. And probably no Oxford commas.4
1No, I’m not talking about Richard Nixon. That’s too tricky of a Dick to tackle. Get it?
2Double heh.
3Heh.
4I can’t verify this because I can’t make myself take the time to flip through the novel to do so.
